The Superiority Trap
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Note: Scroll down to check out our new section How to Have Better Meetings. Hi Reader, I've seen this pattern in several of my CEO clients: They feel superior as a way to protect themselves. But in actuality, they're signaling their shame and shutting down their joy. Here’s what I show them to break the pattern: 1 - Superiority and deep joy are fundamentally incompatible. Try to name a single person who feels superior that is also deeply joyful. You won’t find them. Because superiority traps you in something called "Comparative Mind" 2 - Comparative mind is misery. You can’t place others beneath you without placing others above you. Even if you’re high on the ladder, there’s always someone above you—someone richer, smarter, or someone more in touch with themselves. Putting people above you is comparative mind, and that's misery. Any form of comparison takes you away from your heart. In the end, we’re either humans connecting or humans comparing ourselves to each other. 3 - Superiority is not confidence. It's a protective strategy. It's a maladaptive response to shame, rooted in the belief of “I’m not good enough so I have to be better.” I’ve done this too. There was a time in my marriage where I saw myself as "better than" my wife, and it completely broke our connection. Every fight was stuck. I couldn’t be vulnerable, couldn’t be seen, couldn’t feel what my triggers were asking me to feel. Why? Because I was too busy trying to stay above her so I didn’t have to feel my hurt. 4 - Judgment is a form of superiority. When we judge people we put ourselves above them. And every time we judge people, there’s an emotion we’re trying not to feel. We struggle to accept in others what we haven’t made space for in ourselves. For example: When someone’s sad and it annoys you, you’re probably not okay with your own sadness. Or, when someone’s showing off and it makes you cringe, you’re likely struggling with your own desire to be seen. 5 - Superiority isn't always obvious. Sometimes it looks like silent judgment, intellectual one-upmanship, or dismissing others as “less evolved.” But sometimes it’s even more subtle... or generous-seeming like: Listening in order to help or fix, thinking “they’re not ready for my truth,” or feeling proud of being calm while others are reactive. It’s all “better than” dressed up as emotional maturity. So how do you let go of superiority and let in joy? Once you realize that superiority hides something tender, it gets easier and easier. Here’s an experiment you can start with: Big Love, Joe This newsletter is brought to you by The Council. |
Art of Accomplishment
Hi Reader, Now that we’ve begun to identify some of your avoided emotions, we’re going to take this process to the next level. This is the unlock that can create some incredibly powerful transformations. Because whether you’re aware of it or not, your mind is constantly telling you stories about your emotions. But many of those stories aren’t true. The Boy and the River There was once a boy who was terrified of the river. He had fallen in once as a child and remembered the cold shock, the...
Hi Reader, Now that we’ve begun to identify some of your avoided emotions, we’re going to take this process to the next level. This is the unlock that can create some incredibly powerful transformations. Because whether you’re aware of it or not, your mind is constantly telling you stories about your emotions. But many of those stories aren’t true. The Boy and the River There was once a boy who was terrified of the river. He had fallen in once as a child and remembered the cold shock, the...
Hi Reader, In our last lesson, we explored the Golden Algorithm. We saw how the emotions we avoid don’t just go away. Instead, they come back and end up unconsciously driving all our decisions. And as a result, our lives. Today, we’re going to take the first step in undoing the Golden Algorithm. We will walk you through exactly how to find some of these “blind spot” emotions. The Jester There was once a town jester who loved to dance about wildly in the streets. He would wail, laugh, and cry...