Hi Reader,

Welcome to Lesson One! Today, we’ll be diving into the Golden Algorithm.

The Empty Garden

There was once a gardener who inherited a field of rich soil. Everyone told her she had a gift for growing things. She had the touch, the eye, the instinct.

However, this gardener also carried a deep fear of failing, of watching something she planted die.

To make sure she avoided this, she became an expert at preparation.

She sorted seeds by color and size. She studied rainfall patterns going back fifty years. She mixed the “perfect” compost in small jars and labeled them in neat handwriting.

She walked the field each morning imagining what could grow there.

Meanwhile, her neighbors planted messy, imperfect gardens. Some plants withered. Some bloomed wildly. Their yards filled with fruit, flowers, and life.

For years, her garden stayed brown, untouched, and barren.

One afternoon, a child passing by asked, “Hi miss, why is your garden empty?”

She said, “I’m preparing. So that once I do plant my garden, it will flourish and never die.”

“But miss,” the child stared at the barren soil. “It looks like everything is already dead.”

Lesson 1: The Golden Algorithm

Over decades of coaching clients, I’ve noticed this phenomenon appear again and again. It’s a fascinating aspect of human nature, and I’ve coined it "The Golden Algorithm."

Whatever emotion you try to avoid, you end up inviting into your life - in the exact way you try to avoid it.

I realized this when I was younger and had a deep terror of being abandoned. Whenever I noticed signs of potential abandonment, I’d get scared and lash out. And when I lashed out, people left me, and I felt abandoned creating the exact thing I was trying to avoid.

Here are some more examples I’ve seen play out:

Avoid failure → Never take risks → Never succeed → Feel like a failure

Avoid feeling weak→ Dominate others → People leave you → Feel weak

Avoid conflict → Constantly try to please → People get resentful → They create conflict with you

This is how the Golden Algorithm works.

The emotions you don’t want to feel start running your life. Just like with the gardener, they determine what you attempt, what you delay, what you rationalize, and what you don’t allow yourself to want.

And you don’t actually avoid the emotions. You invite them into your life.

The cost of this is your identity. You become someone organized around your avoidance of fears rather than your wants. You play not to lose rather than playing to win.

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Big Love,

Joe

PS. Missed the intro? Read it here:

• ​Your Great Decisions Prep Guide: Intro​